A knock sounded at the door of my hotel room a couple of days after the beginning of the New Zealand tour, and I jumped a little before getting up from my seat at the window of my hotel room. I’d been sitting there for the last half an hour, watching ferries crossing Lambton Harbour and thinking.

“Kate, hey,” I said when I opened the door. She stood there in the corridor tossing a half-filled bottle of water between her hands, and gave me a smile as I stepped aside to let her into my room. Almost as soon as I’d closed the door behind her, I went back to my seat at the window.

“Everything all right?” she asked as she sat down next to me.

I shrugged. “I suppose. Just been a rough couple of days, that’s all.”

‘A rough couple of days’ was an understatement. We had arrived in New Zealand on the seventh of July, our first stop being Auckland. I still wasn’t sure how, or even where – though I figured it had to have happened while we were still in Cairns – but at some point before we’d crossed the Ditch we’d each picked up a cold. None of us had escaped it, but Zac had been hit the hardest of us all and had managed to lose his voice the afternoon of the Auckland show. With Zac on strict vocal rest until after we got back to Australia at the end of the week, and not wanting Isaac to shoulder the entire responsibility of dealing with the press, I had somewhat reluctantly given up my break from doing interviews. And I was hating every second of it.

“We’ll be home in a few days,” Kate said, in what I recognised as an attempt to cheer me up.

“Yeah, I know.” I rubbed my nose a little. “How’s Zac holding up?”

“A tiny bit frustrated because he’s not allowed to talk, but he’ll live.” She nudged me. “What about you? You’ve been pretty quiet, everything okay?”

I shrugged again. “Still hate doing press, and this cold’s pissing me off. Plus I miss Ruby.”

“Ah,” Kate said, sounding like she completely understood. “That would explain it. When’s she supposed to be getting here?”

“Tomorrow morning. Not a very long trip for her, but she’ll be here and that’s the main thing. I’m going to be meeting her at the airport when her flight gets in.” My phone’s email tone sounded off, and I picked it up from its spot on the windowsill. The newest email in my inbox, it turned out, was a copy of the set list for that evening’s show. “Guess I should start getting ready to head out,” I said as I scrolled through the email.

“Me too.” Kate gave me a one-armed hug before getting back to her feet. “See you downstairs.”

“See ya…” My voice trailed off as I reached the halfway mark of the set list. Right after the last song of the acoustic set, in the blue text that marked it as one of my leads, was the title of a song we didn’t play all that often – Follow Your Lead.

“Everything okay?” Kate asked.

“Yeah, yeah, all good,” I said, and gave her a smile. “Just something a bit unexpected, that’s all. I’ll see you downstairs in a bit.”

“Okay, if you’re sure.”

“I’m sure.”

As I got ready to head out to the venue for that night’s show, Wellington’s St. James Theatre, one of the only things I could think about was why either Isaac or Zac had added Follow Your Lead to tonight’s set list. It really was something we played very rarely – in five years, I could recall playing it live just twice. There wasn’t necessarily a reason why we’d be playing it tonight, but I had the feeling that one or both of my brothers were up to something.

It wasn’t long until I found out exactly what that something was.

A quiet, almost tentative knock sounded at the door of the dressing room I’d holed myself up in at the theatre. “Yeah, come in,” I said without looking up from picking out chords on my guitar. Showtime was still another hour away, so I was taking the opportunity to go over a couple of the cover songs I wasn’t entirely sure about. Over my guitar, and over the distant music from our opening band, I heard almost noiseless footsteps on the carpet behind me, and I frowned a little before shrugging and going back to practicing. It took a small pair of hands settling themselves over mine, stilling the movement of my fingers, to make me look back over my shoulder.

Standing behind me, her arms around me and an almost shy smile on her face, was Ruby.

“Ruby?” I asked, hardly daring to believe what I was seeing. “But I…”

“Surprise,” she said.

I slipped my hands out from under Ruby’s and stood up, setting my guitar aside before turning to face her. “When did you get here?” I asked seconds before I drew her close.

“An hour or so ago,” she replied as she hugged me back. “Isaac picked me up at the airport. Zac was supposed to, but seeing as he’s sick…” She looked up at me. “Miss me?”

“You have no idea.” That was when it clicked. “So that’s why they put it on the set list!”

“Who put what on the set list?”

I fished my phone out of my pocket, unlocked it and opened my Gmail app, navigating to my Starred label before handing my phone to Ruby. “First message at the top,” I said.

It didn’t take her long to skim the email. “Oh, that!” She gave me another smile. “Zac and I have been planning this since the start of May. He said you’d be all mopey and miserable here by yourself.”

“I have been a bit,” I admitted. “I love it here, but it hasn’t been the same without you.”

“Aww, you’re such a sweetheart.”

“I try.” I leaned in and kissed her. “I’m glad you’re here.”

“Me too.” She stepped back a few paces. “Play me something?” she asked, motioning to my guitar.

“Can’t wait an hour?” Even as I asked this I was picking my guitar back up, slinging the strap around my neck and settling it on my left shoulder. “Anything in particular you want to hear?”

“Nah. I just want to hear you play.”

“Famous last words,” I snarked, and Ruby gave me the finger. “Charming.” I thought for a second before starting to pick out the introduction of Shine Like It Does. Over the music I could hear Ruby singing quietly, her voice rising and falling alongside the chords of my guitar, and I smiled to myself.

My phone’s text message tone sounded just as I finished playing. “That’s probably Isaac,” I said as I fetched my phone. Sure enough, the newest message in my inbox was from Isaac – Up for a quick practice before showtime? “I’d better go. Isaac wants to fit in one last practice before the show.”

“I should probably go too. Go see if I can find my seat.” She rummaged around in her handbag and found her wallet, taking her ticket out and examining it. “I’m in, let’s see…” She squinted a little. “The first row of the dress circle, I think.”

“I’ll keep an eye out for you,” I promised.

Ruby gave me another smile. “I’m going to hold you to that,” she said as she found her pass and slipped its lanyard over her head. “I’ll see you after.”

“See you,” I echoed, and waited for her to leave the dressing room before picking up my guitar and heading off after her.

Isaac and Zac were waiting for me in the theatre’s green room when I wandered in a few minutes later. Zac had a pair of drumsticks sticking up out of one of the back pockets of his jeans, while Isaac was busy tuning one of his guitars. “Zac, mate, you are a fucking legend,” were the first words out of my mouth as soon as I spotted them.

“What did I do this time?” he mouthed at me.

“Ruby,” I replied as I sat down with the two of them. “She told me what you two planned. Thanks, mate.”

Zac grinned. “You’re welcome.”

I returned Zac’s grin and settled my guitar on my knees. “I’m still a little shaky on Better Be Home Soon,” I said, deciding to get down to practicing. “Reckon we can give that one a quick runthrough?”

It had been a very long time since I had barely realised what was going on around me during a show. It wasn’t that I didn’t pay attention, because I did. It was more a case of being so caught up in the music that I lost track of everything else. The world could have ended and I never would have noticed. And that was exactly what happened that evening. From the time I set foot on the stage until the end of the acoustic set, I was running off little more than adrenaline and sheer muscle memory – something that Isaac at the very least noticed.

“Everything okay?” he asked quietly as I went back to my piano for the second half of the electric set.

“Yeah, all good,” I replied as I shook my hands out, willing the feeling of pins and needles in my fingertips to settle down. A flare-up was the last thing I needed to happen right now. “Isaac, I’m fine,” I insisted upon seeing that he wasn’t totally convinced. “Worry about Zac for once, he’s the one who’s feeling crook right now. Not me.”

“He’s not the one who has a flare-up if he pushes himself too hard, though,” Isaac reminded me, and I closed my eyes briefly. “I’m just making sure you’re okay, mate. That’s all.”

“Yeah, I know.” I threw a quick glance at the audience. “Come on, we’d better get back to it.”

Back at my piano, I closed my eyes and took a deep breath so I could centre myself before I spoke to the audience. “So this is a bit of a rare one for us,” I said into my microphone. “We…we originally wrote it to raise a bit of money for the Leukaemia Foundation” my voice wavered a little on those last few words “and we often get requests to play it live. Tonight we’re doing exactly that.” A cheer rose up from the audience at these words, and I hid a smile. I cast my gaze up to the front row of the dress circle, where I knew Ruby sat right in the middle. “This is for someone very special here tonight,” I finished, placing my hands on the keys of my piano as I spoke. “They know who they are.”

After a few moments to make sure I had it right in my head, and after another deep breath, I moved my fingers into their proper places on my piano keys, shifted my right foot onto the sustain pedal, and opened my mouth to sing.

“Oh, I follow your lead…oh, I follow your lead…oh, I follow your lead…oh, I follow your lead…oh, I follow your lead…oh, I follow your lead…you know I follow…through the crossroads…

“Pick up your shoulders, you are not a child…don’t need no natural born soldiers, it’s not that kind of fight…there is no water that can wash off this disease…if you’ll just stand up then I’ll follow your lead…

“So get up and make it known…you’ll never take a chance alone…I’ll be there whatever your crossroads, oh…I know it will take some time, I know it’s gonna take its toll…all you gotta do is show me and I’ll follow your lead…oh, I follow your lead…oh, I follow your lead…you know I follow…through the crossroads…

“So pull off your blinders and pick up the pieces…it only gets harder the longer you deny…you will discover you got all that you need…leave it where you’re standing and I’ll follow your lead, oh…

“So get up and make it known…you’ll never take a chance alone…I’ll be there whatever your crossroads, oh…I know it will take some time, I know it’s gonna take its toll…all you gotta do is show me and I’ll follow your lead…I follow your lead…I follow your lead…I follow your lead…I follow your lead…oh, I follow your lead…I follow your lead…you know I follow your lead, no, no…

“We can build it up, build it up…build it up until it’s strong…we can build it up, build it up…build it up where you’re from…we can build it up, build it up…build it up until it’s strong…we can build it up, build it up…build it up where you’re from, oh oh oh…build it up, build it up…build it up, build it up…build it up, build it up…build it up, build it up…

“You know I’ll follow your lead, no, no…so get up and make it known…I’ll never take a chance alone…I’ll be there whatever your crossroads…I know it will take some time, I know it’s gonna take its toll…but all you gotta do is show me and I’ll follow your lead…

“So get up and make it known…you’ll never take a chance alone…I’ll be there whatever your crossroads…I know it will take some time, I know it’s gonna take its toll…but all you gotta do is show me…”

The cheer that erupted at the end of Follow Your Lead was one of the loudest I’d heard in a very long time. I let out a cheer of my own and punched the air triumphantly, relieved that I hadn’t screwed it up.

In the moments before the next song, I left my piano bench and went across to Isaac’s side of the stage. “We need to play that one more often,” I told him. “And not just because it’s Ruby’s favourite of our songs either,” I added. “They keep requesting it” I nodded a little toward the audience “so I reckon we should give them what they want.”

“Yeah?” he asked, and I nodded. “We can talk about it after tour, but I’m okay with that.”

“Awesome.” I gave Isaac a smile that he returned, and went back to my piano.

The show wound down just after midnight with a cover of Crowded House’s Better Be Home Soon that nearly brought the house down. I joined my brothers and our backing musicians at the front of the stage for our usual bow, and waved to the crowd as I headed backstage. The first face I saw as I stepped through the heavy curtains that marked the border between backstage and the front of house was Ruby’s.

“Hey, you okay?” I asked when I saw she had tears in her eyes.

“I’m okay,” she assured me. “Better Be Home Soon always makes me feel a bit weepy, that’s all.” Here she threw her arms around me. “Thank you,” she whispered in my ear. “That was amazing.”

I didn’t need to ask what Ruby was thanking me for. Instead I wrapped my own arms around her and hugged her back. “You’re very welcome, Ruby.”

---

“So how is this supposed to work anyway?”

“How is what supposed to work?”

“Switching meds.”

I looked up from my graphics tablet, on which I was beginning to draw the outline of a Siamese fighting fish, just in time to see Ruby give one of my packets of medication a poke. The two of us were sitting at the table in the annexe of her caravan – Ruby had been tapping away at the keyboard of her laptop with Sadie curled up at her feet, while I’d been working on a submission for the student gallery that would be held at the end of the year. Rather than go straight home after TAFE that afternoon, I’d dropped in at Ruby’s place. Today had been my first day of the second semester, just a couple of days after we’d flown home from New Zealand.

“You’ve never done it?” I asked.

Ruby shook her head. “Been on the same meds since Dr. Marsden told me I had CFS. She’s increased the dosages of a couple of them once or twice, but I’ve never had to switch or anything.”

“Some people have all the luck.”

She gave me a small smile. “Come on then, how’s it work?”

I tapped the save icon on the screen of my tablet with the point of my stylus. “It’s pretty complicated,” I said as I set my tablet aside. I reached for one of the packets of Zoloft and examined it – I’d gone to the pharmacy in Gwynneville during my lunch break earlier that day and filled a couple of my prescriptions. This one held my usual dosage of 100 milligrams. “You have to taper off really slowly – stopping it all at once can be dangerous, and Dr. Emerson wants me to be careful. Especially considering how long I’ve been taking all of it. Basically I have to take it down a quarter of my full dose every week for the next four weeks. I’m down to seventy-five milligrams of Zoloft from tomorrow morning, and sixty milligrams of Endep starting tomorrow night. Final week will be twenty-five milligrams of Zoloft and twenty milligrams of Endep. Once that’s done…” I trailed off and swallowed hard.

“Yeah?”

“I can’t start my new meds for nearly a week afterward.”

Ruby’s mouth dropped open. “A week?”

“Five days, but yeah. It’s called washout. So basically nearly a week of the anxiety, the depression and the nerve pain being complete bastards all at once. Not looking forward to that.” I drew in a breath and let it out as a sigh. “And then I get to start taking Aropax again, and the new antidepressant along with it. I fucking hated being on Aropax.”

“That bad hey?”

I shrugged a little. “It worked. Made the anxiety fuck off at least. I just didn’t like how it made me feel most of the time. I couldn’t stop yawning for one thing, even when I wasn’t so tired I couldn’t keep my eyes open, and I ended up getting slammed with the worst motion sickness I’ve ever had. Made driving interesting.” I managed a half-smirk. “I had the shakes a lot too.”

“That definitely doesn’t sound like much fun.”

“It really wasn’t. I have to stick it out for six months at least, so I guess I’ll just have to see how things go.”

Just as I finished speaking, there was a knock at the front door – one that sounded almost frantic. Ruby let out a quiet sigh as she shifted her chair back from the table and got to her feet. “If that’s Mrs. Canning coming to bitch me out again I’m going to hurt someone,” I heard her mumble as she went to the door and slid it open. “Taleah?” she asked, sounding more than a bit concerned, and I got up from my own seat. If Ruby’s sister was here at four o’clock on a Tuesday afternoon, then something was up.

“I hate to do this to you, Rue,” Taleah was saying as I stepped up behind Ruby. When I glanced down, I could see Ruby’s nieces hiding behind their mother – both of whom were covered in little spots. “But I got called into work” she gestured at her Coles uniform of a red polo shirt, black pants and black shoes “and Matt doesn’t get off work until five-thirty. And Mum and Dad can’t watch them. Can you watch these two for an hour or so?”

“‘Course we can,” Ruby replied. She glanced back at me. “Tay, you’ve had chickenpox right?”

“Yeah, when I was three,” I said.

“Oh good. Otherwise I’d have to kick you out.” She stuck her tongue out at me before stepping forward to beckon her nieces inside. “Come on you two. We’ll do some colouring for a little while.”

“Thanks, Rue,” Taleah said as Brodie and Zarah darted inside. “I’ll get Matt to ring you when he’s on his way.” She gave me a smile. “Nice to see you again, Tay.”

I returned her smile. “You too, Leah.”

“Correct me if I’m wrong here,” Ruby said a few minutes after Taleah had left. She was digging around in the drawers of her desk as she spoke. “But you had a shitload of chemotherapy. Right?”

“Roughly two and a half years of it all up, yeah,” I replied.

“And you said you had chickenpox when you were a kid.” I looked up from my drawing just in time to see Ruby give me a quizzical look. “Shouldn’t all the chemo you had cancel out your immunity to chickenpox?”

I let out a quiet chuckle. “Not quite. I think that only happens if you have to have a bone marrow transplant. I didn’t end up needing to have one of those done, so as far as I know I didn’t lose my immunity.” I fixed Ruby with a look of my own. “You’ve had chickenpox though, right?”

“When I was in preschool, yep. Taleah wouldn’t have asked me to watch her kids if I hadn’t.” She found what she was hunting for – a thick colouring book and a plastic cylinder full of coloured pencils – closed her desk drawers again and went over to the lounge. “Feel like staying for dinner? I’ll order in pizza or something.”

“Sounds good to me.” I gave Ruby a smile, one she mirrored, and went back to my drawing.

By the time I had finished a rough outline of my drawing, a bit more than an hour later, Ruby’s brother-in-law was at the door to collect Brodie and Zarah. “Rue, you are a lifesaver,” Matthew was saying as he picked Zarah up.

“It wasn’t any trouble,” Ruby said with a small shrug. “If you need me to watch them again just give me a bell, yeah?”

“Will do,” Matthew replied.

Before too long, it was just Ruby and I once more. Almost as soon as she had sat down on the lounge she sank back into the cushions, closed her eyes and let out a sigh of what sounded like relief.

“You okay?” I asked her.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” she replied. “Just…” She cracked an eye open at me. “If I ever say I want kids, please slap me or something. I love those two but bloody hell they wear me out.”

“Not a kid person?”

Ruby shook her head. “It’s not that. I like kids. But with all the bullshit I’ve got going on with me…” She shrugged a little. “Having a kid might not be a great idea.”

“I get that.” I left my graphics tablet on the table and went to sit down with Ruby. “I’d like a kid or two of my own, but…” I traced the seam on the right knee of my jeans. “I don’t want to risk passing my gremlins on to the next generation.” I tapped the side of my head. “Plus there’s a decent chance I can’t have them anyway.” I gave a shrug of my own. “And I’m actually okay with that.”

“Could always adopt later on,” Ruby suggested, and she gave me a smile before she dug her phone out of one of her pockets. “Anything in particular you feel like for dinner?”

“How about you surprise me?”

“Famous last words, those,” Ruby said with a smirk. She started scrolling through her phone directory until she found the number she was after. “Last chance to tell me exactly what you want for dinner.”

“Chinese,” I said quickly.

“Thought so,” Ruby said, sounding very pleased with herself, and she hit dial. “Hi, can I get a delivery to Bellambi please?...I’d like one honey chicken…” She covered the receiver of her phone. “What are you in the mood for?”

“Sweet and sour chicken,” I replied.

“Stupid question, I know.” She gave me a smile and went back to her phone call. “One crispy skin chicken with sweet and sour sauce, and one large steamed rice…fantastic. I’m at the Tasman View Caravan Village – I’ll be waiting in the carpark. Thanks for that. Bye.” She hung up and slipped her phone back into her pocket. “It’ll take about half an hour,” she said. “Feel like going for a really slow wander up to the carpark? I need to check my mailbox anyway.”

“Sure.”

“Thought you might. Give me a minute.” She got to her feet and let out a long, low whistle. Sadie’s ears pricked, and she padded over to Ruby and sat at her mistress’ feet. “Sadie, get your lead,” Ruby commanded.

“You need to teach me how to do that,” I said as Sadie went up into the caravan.

“One of these days I just might,” Ruby replied. Sadie returned at this moment with her lead in her mouth, and Ruby pointed to a spot in front of her feet. “Bring it here,” she commanded, and leaned down to scratch Sadie behind the ears once she was within reach. “Good girl.”

It wasn’t long until we were headed off on our walk through the caravan park, Ruby leading us the long way around to the carpark. Ruby’s caravan was very close to the park office and in turn the carpark, and so rather than head left along Seaview Drive we headed right toward the intersection of Seaview Drive and Palms Way. Going the other way would have defeated the point of taking a long, slow walk. The sun had set half an hour earlier, leaving just the occasional street light to light our way.

“So how are you feeling?”

“How am I feeling about what?” I asked, about half a second before I realised exactly what Ruby was talking about. I stopped walking under one of the street lights and leaned against it with my head tipped back. “I’m nervous,” I admitted. “I don’t want to stop taking the Zoloft and the Endep. But I don’t really have much of a choice – they don’t work properly anymore. Not much point in taking medication that doesn’t work properly.” I gave Ruby a half-smile. “Would have been nice if they’d held out until summer break, though. The next couple months of classes are going to suck.”

Ruby stepped up beside me and wound her left arm around my back. “You know where to find me if you need to talk,” she said quietly. “Doesn’t matter what it’s about, even if you just want to rail against whatever deity it is you believe in. I won’t mind.”

“What the hell did I do to deserve you?” I asked, and Ruby shrugged a little. “You…you’re amazing, Rue. Thank you.”

Ruby gave me a smile and rested her head on my shoulder. “You’re welcome.”

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