“So what are you doing the next few days? Aside from going to the dawn service on Thursday, that is.”

I paused in zipping up my suitcase and looked back over my shoulder at Zac. He was sitting on the lounge in mine and Ruby’s motel room, tossing what looked like a Koosh ball up into the air. I had the sneaking suspicion he’d nicked it from one of my nephews. It was the morning after the fifth show of the Victorian tour, which had seen us play to a packed house at Shepparton’s Eastbank Centre. Two shows remained, one in Echuca and another in Albury, after which we would be flying back to Sydney.

For now, though, we were taking a short break, as we did every tour. It was just coincidence that this tour’s break coincided with Anzac Day.

“Ruby and I are going to Melbourne,” I replied, going back to closing my suitcase. “Driving down just after lunch. One of her friends let it slip that Ruby likes Josh Groban, so we’re seeing him at the Palais tomorrow night.” I gave him a pointed look over my shoulder. “Don’t you dare tell Ruby that, though. It’s meant to be a surprise.”

Zac stopped throwing the ball and held up his hands. “It’s in the vault.”

“I hope you realise I’m blaming you if she finds out,” I said. I picked up the lock for my suitcase off the bed, snapped it into place on the zipper and spun the combination wheels with my thumb. “We’re going to go for a wander down Chapel Street at some point as well, and if she’s up to it we might hit the dawn service. What about you?”

“Kate and I are heading up to Echuca early,” Zac replied. “She wants to visit her parents, and the kids want to see their cousins. Not too sure what Isaac’s got planned but I think I heard Nikki say something about going to Brisbane.”

“Twenty bucks says they come back without Rhett and James.”

Zac grinned. “You’re on.”

“Gambling again, boys?” Ruby said as she came back into the room, her arms laden down with clean laundry. She dumped it all on her bed and set about rolling her clothes up so they would all fit into her suitcase.

“Tay reckons Isaac and Nikki will come back after Anzac Day without Rhett and James,” Zac said, nodding over at me. He got up off the lounge. “I’ll leave you to it then. See you at lunch, yeah?”

“See you then,” I said.

“So what are you taking a break over Anzac Day for?” Ruby asked as she rolled a pair of socks up and tucked them inside one of her joggers.

“We do it every tour,” I replied. “Have done since our first proper tour in 1998. Mum and Dad made it a condition of us being signed that we would be allowed enough time during recording, touring and promotion to get our schoolwork done.” I picked up one of Ruby’s T-shirts – it was dark grey with the Doctor’s TARDIS on the front and You Never Forget Your First Doctor in white lettering underneath – and folded it in half lengthwise before rolling it up. “The rule during tours was always that we blocked off at least five days in a row every month, and we’d spend most of our waking hours catching up on school. If we didn’t have any schoolwork to get done, we’d use the time to get back to just being kids. We all nailed the School Certificate exams, plus Isaac and I both got high marks in the HSC, so it definitely worked.”

“Sounds like it,” Ruby said. She sounded impressed by this. “So you’ve just kept on doing it?”

I nodded. “Yep. After…” I closed my eyes for the briefest of moments. “After I finished chemotherapy the second time, and once we got back to touring, we kept on blocking off time so that I didn’t get too worn out. It was always up to me how much time we set aside. It’s just normal for us now. We decide before tour how much time to block off and when, and when the time comes for our break we split off and each do our own thing for a little while. Gives us a chance to recharge our batteries and refocus.”

“That’s brilliant. I wish I’d thought of something like that when I was at uni. Might have actually finished my degree.”

I grinned at this and continued helping Ruby with her packing.

After lunch, we split up. Zac, Kate and their kids headed up to Echuca to visit the Tucker clan, while Isaac, Nikki and their boys headed back to Avalon to catch a flight to Sydney. As soon as Ruby and I were alone in the carpark of Shepparton McDonald’s, we looked at each other over the roof of the car I’d hired at Avalon Airport. “So, road trip?” I asked.

“Stupid question,” Ruby replied as she pulled open the front passenger side door and got into the car. “What do you think, Einstein?”

I opened the driver’s side door and slid behind the wheel, closing the door behind me. “Just thought I’d ask,” I said with a shrug, and programmed our destination into the car’s GPS. As I did this, Ruby went digging through her backpack and came up with a familiar-looking CD. “Hey, I didn’t know you liked Imagine Dragons.”

I earned a grin for this comment. “I love them,” Ruby replied. “Not as much as I love Hanson, but they’re still freaking awesome.” She cracked the CD case open and popped out the CD inside, and slid it into the car’s stereo. Half a second after I turned the key in the ignition the opening bars of Radioactive spilled from the stereo speakers, with Ruby letting out a cheer beside me, and I found myself mirroring Ruby’s grin. I didn’t know quite what, but something told me that this was going to be a very different break – and for all the right reasons.

Our road trip south through country Victoria almost flew past. Imagine Dragons’ Night Visions was followed by Powderfinger’s Dream Days At The Hotel Existence, by which time we were just passing by Essendon Airport. “So where are we staying while we’re here?” Ruby asked as Drifting Further Away ended.

“It’s a surprise,” I replied. I looked over at Ruby for the briefest of moments as we passed under the overpass near the airport and gave her a smile. “I think you’ll like it, though. It’s pretty spectacular.”

It didn’t take long for Ruby to realise what I meant by ‘pretty spectacular’. As I drove down Normanby Street the Crown Casino complex came into view, and out of the corner of my eye I saw Ruby’s mouth drop open. “Holy…” she whispered, sounding awestruck, and I grinned. That had been more or less my own reaction when I’d come to Melbourne for the first time sixteen years earlier. She looked even more surprised when I pulled the car up outside the Crown Towers and cut the engine. “No way,” she whispered, and I held back a laugh when I saw that her eyes were almost popping out of their sockets. “No freaking way!”

“Oh yes.” I unbuckled my seatbelt and reached into the backseat for my backpack. “I need to go and get us checked in – you want to come with?”

Ruby shook her head. “I’ve never been within cooee of a place like this before, let alone inside. I’m too worried that I’d break something.”

I didn’t laugh at this – I’d felt the same way my first time here. “Fair enough,” I said, and gave Ruby a smile that she quickly mirrored. “I won’t be long.”

Once I’d checked us in and parked the car in the carpark below the Towers, we took the lift with all our gear up to the fourteenth floor. The second I opened the door to our hotel room, Ruby’s mouth dropped open again. “Oh wow,” she whispered in what sounded like awe as she got her first look at our home for the next four nights. I hung back near the door as she got up out of her wheelchair and started a circuit of the room, her right hand trailing over every surface within her reach. Once she reached the bed she fell backwards onto it and let out a laugh. “This is incredible,” she said, sounding content. “I feel like a princess right now.”

“Well, that was pretty much my intent,” I said as I walked up to the end of the bed. “Especially seeing as our one-month anniversary was last Wednesday.”

Ruby’s eyes widened for just a second. “Shit, it was too. How did I forget that?”

“I thought it was me who was supposed to forget,” I teased her as I sat down next to her.

She stuck her tongue out at me. “Do you do this every tour? Stay in places like this?”

“Only during album promo and our national tours. Most towns we go to on our regional tours don’t have this sort of place. Liberation does try to put us up somewhere nice whenever they can, though.” I traced some of the embroidery on the quilt cover with a finger. “There’s only one bed, that’s the thing – I can crash on the lounge if you’re not up for sharing.”

“Fuck that. I’m not making you sleep on that” she pointed at the admittedly rather uncomfortable-looking lounge with her right foot “for the next few nights. Bed’s big enough for both of us, and we’re both adults – it won’t kill us to sleep in the same bed.”

“Sure, if you’re okay with it,” I said, and Ruby nodded. “I will warn you though, I’m a bit of a restless sleeper and apparently I talk in my sleep.”

“I’ll tie you to the bed then,” Ruby teased, and I scowled at her. “And I can always buy earplugs the next time we’re near a Woolies or Coles.” Here she toed off her sneakers and socks. “I have cold feet,” she said. She raised her left foot up in the air and wiggled her toes at me. “I’ll try and remember to wear socks to bed, though.”

“So what do you think of Melbourne so far?” I asked.

“It’s…” She trailed off, and I figured that she was thinking. “It’s different. I’m not used to seeing trams everywhere.”

“They’re pretty useful though. We probably won’t need the car at all until we leave – we can just catch trams anywhere we want to go. Or walk, it’s up to you.”

“What are we doing while we’re here, anyway?”

“It’s completely up to you. I do want to show you Chapel Street, though – I think you’d like it.” I got back to my feet and picked up my backpack from where I’d dropped it at the end of the bed. “And we’re going to the Palais tomorrow night,” I continued, unzipping my backpack and digging around in it as I spoke. My left hand closed around the Ticketmaster envelope that had arrived in the mail right before we’d left on tour, and I handed it over to Ruby. “Open it.”

The look on Ruby’s face when she took the tickets out of their envelope, I knew, would be one of my favourite memories for quite a while.

“Josh Groban tickets,” she said, sounding stunned. “We’re going to see Josh Groban tomorrow night.” She stared at me. “We’re going to see Josh fucking Groban?”

“Yep,” I replied. “Little birdy let it slip that you like him, so…”

I didn’t get to finish my sentence, because at that moment Ruby pushed me down onto my back and straddled me. “I have the best boyfriend in the universe,” she said, and started kissing me like her life depended on it. “Seriously, how did I get so lucky?” she asked me. “You take me to Melbourne to stay in a fucking five star hotel, and you get us tickets to see Josh motherfucking Groban.”

“Right place at the right time, I guess,” I said with a shrug.

“Did I ever thank you for finding my phone and walking stick?” Ruby asked. “I don’t remember.”

“I think you did, yeah.” I propped myself up on my elbows and kissed Ruby again. “For which you are most welcome.”

We were quiet for a little while after that, with just the noise of cars and buses making their way through Southbank drifting up from the streets below disturbing our silence.

“So what are we doing this arvo?” Ruby asked. “And tonight for that matter?”

“What do you want to do?” I asked her. “All up to you, remember?”

“Chapel Street,” Ruby replied instantly.

“Chapel Street it is, then,” I said. I earned myself a grin for this, one that I immediately mirrored, and got up to fetch Ruby’s sneakers and socks for her. “Make sure you bring a jumper or something, weather’s a bit unpredictable here.” Ruby paused in pulling on her socks and snapped off a salute. I watched her for a few moments before going to dig my own hoodie out of my suitcase.

Fifteen minutes later we were headed off toward the Casino East tram stop so that we could catch a tram out to St. Kilda Road. The sounds of Melbourne on a Monday afternoon drifted around us, and as we walked along Whiteman Street I had just one thought on my mind – that life couldn’t get much better than this.

---

“Ruby, can I talk to you?”

Ruby paused in winding her scarf around her neck – it looked warm, and had been knitted from yarn in various shades of purple – and looked over at where I sat on the bed in our hotel room. It was ridiculously early on Thursday morning, so early in fact that it was still dark outside, and the two of us were getting ready to head out to the Shrine of Remembrance for that morning’s dawn service. “Yeah, sure,” she replied, and came back to sit down next to me. “Everything okay?”

“Aside from my hand going numb again last night” I held up my left hand and flexed my fingers experimentally, not expecting much to happen “I’m fine. It’s just…” I gave my phone a little shake. “I need to go to Newcastle next week.”

Over the last couple of months since we’d met, and especially in the month that we’d been dating, I’d come to realise that Ruby had a remarkable memory. It meant one thing in particular right now – she was well aware of how important the sixth of May was to me.

“It’s seven years next week, isn’t it?” she asked, and I nodded. “Anything you need me to do?”

It took me a little while to answer. Ruby thankfully didn’t push me to talk, instead waiting patiently for me to figure out what I needed to say.

“I have to go to follow-up appointments every May,” I said at last. “For the rest of my life, basically. It was every few months for the first four years after I finished chemo the second time, then every six months for a couple of years after that. It’s only once every twelve months now, thank goodness.” Ruby smiled a little at this. “Basically I have to have a bunch of tests done between the end of April and the start of May – my oncologist and my doctor get me to have blood tests, a chest X-ray, a spinal tap, CT scans and MRIs. It’s not fun in the least, I can tell you that much.”

“I bet,” Ruby said softly. I managed a small smile before continuing.

“Anyway…Dr. Emerson sends everything up to Dr. Torrens once he’s got all my test results and scans back, and sometime in early May I get the train up to Newcastle so I can see Dr. Torrens the next morning. I don’t usually have anything to be concerned about, but it doesn’t stop me worrying.” I traced the Sydney Roosters insignia on the back of my phone’s case with my right index finger. “I’m not likely to, but if I get some bad news, just…just be there for me?”

“Yeah, of course I will.” Out of the corner of my eye I saw her studying me. “Why’d your hand go numb anyway?”

“Nerve damage,” I replied. “Its proper name is chemotherapy-induced peripheral neuropathy – it’s one of the really annoying side effects of one of the chemo drugs I was on. And, well…” I let out a quiet sigh. “This one just happens to be permanent. If I’m really stressed, there’s a good chance it’ll flare up. Usually one of my hands or my feet will go numb, like right now, but sometimes I’ll get really bad nerve pain instead. I’m on medication that keeps a lid on the worst of it. It hurts like a bastard when I have pain flares, though.”

“Bloody hell,” Ruby whispered.

“Yeah. No pain flares at the moment, though, so that’s something at least. I’m just going to have to put up with my hand being numb until it eases off.” I gave her a small smile and eased myself to my feet, using my right hand to lever myself upright. “Come on. Time we were off.”

Two tram rides and a fifteen minute walk to the Kings Domain later, with a quick detour between stops to one of the flower shops on Little Collins Street to buy two bunches of poppies, we arrived at the Shrine of Remembrance. It was still dark – the sun wouldn’t be rising for another fifteen minutes – but even so I could see a large crowd of people gathered in front of the Shrine, all of them rugged up against the late April chill. “If you want to head off, doesn’t matter when, you just let me know and we’ll go,” I said as we found a spot in the crowd.

“Same goes for you,” Ruby replied. There was just enough light from the spotlights illuminating the Shrine for me to see Ruby giving my left side a pointed look. “I’m not kidding.”

“Didn’t think you were,” I said as I turned my attention to the Shrine, right as a hush settled over the gathered crowd and the dawn service began.

I had been to countless dawn services – when I was younger I would often tag along with Mum or Dad and Isaac to the Anzac Day dawn service at Cardiff RSL, and every year since moving to Wollongong I’d always tried to go to the dawn service at Martin Place up in Sydney or at the RSL in Corrimal. For all the times we’d visited Melbourne (or Victoria, for that matter) for tours during April, though, I’d never gone to a dawn service at the Shrine of Remembrance. I should have done this years ago, I thought as I listened to the choir singing Abide In Me.

The dawn service was over almost before I realised, the last strains of the national anthem echoing over the Kings Domain as the crowd began to disperse. “So what did you want to do for the rest of today?” I asked Ruby as I pulled my phone out of my pocket and unlocked it. “After we’ve been inside that is.” I nodded at the Shrine, knowing that Ruby had plans for her bunches of poppies that involved the Sanctuary and the Eternal Flame in the Shrine’s forecourt.

“I’d like to go to the movies later on,” Ruby replied. “But after we finish here, can we find an RSL or a pub and play a bit of two-up?” Here she ducked her head a little. “It’s sort of an Anzac Day tradition for Dad and I, and seeing as he’s not here I thought maybe we could do it together instead.”

“Yeah, of course we can.” I gave Ruby a smile, one that she echoed.

The Sanctuary opened at a quarter to seven. I ended up hanging back near the stairs that led down from the Shrine’s upper level, watching as Ruby laid one of her bunches of poppies against the Stone of Remembrance right in the middle of the Sanctuary. Right as Ruby eased herself back to her feet my phone vibrated in my right jeans pocket, and I eased it out and unlocked it to find a text message from Sophie. Eurovision party may 19 at your parents’, you in?

Why there? I replied, hitting SEND just as Ruby wandered back over, weaving through the crowd of people that filled the Sanctuary.

Sophie’s reply almost made me laugh out loud. Mine and mattie’s neighbours complained last year. We need somewhere soundproofed so we can yell at the telly.

“What are you smiling at?” Ruby asked as we headed back upstairs.

“Do you like Eurovision?”

Ruby grinned. “I love Eurovision. You should see Lis and I whenever it’s on, we spend a good four hours yelling and throwing popcorn at the TV. Annoys the shit out of our neighbours. We alternate years at each other’s places,” she explained. “Supposed to be having it at my place this year.”

“How would you like to watch it with some of my friends this year?” I held up my phone. “My friend Sophie is having a party at my parents’ place on May nineteenth. She just texted me.”

“Why there?”

“My brothers and I have our old practice space in the games room downstairs. It’s the only part of the house that’s soundproofed. I’m guessing that the plan is to have this year’s party there.”

“So they can all yell at the TV without pissing anyone off, right?”

“Pretty much.”

Ruby snickered. “That’s genius.”

Can i bring some friends? I asked, hoping like hell that Sophie would say yes. A Eurovision party was the perfect opportunity to properly introduce Ruby to my friends – she’d met them in passing at my birthday party, but with so many people around it hadn’t exactly been ideal.

Sure, Sophie replied not even a minute later. Almost at the same moment, Ruby said, “It’s probably not a good idea if I go to your friends’ party.”

“Why would you think that?” I asked.

Ruby hunched her shoulders a little as she looked down at the toes of her sneakers. “They won’t like me. Sophie definitely won’t, I know that much.”

“Of course they’ll like you,” I tried to reassure her, but she just shook her head. “Ruby, look at me,” I said, my tone unintentionally stern, and she looked up. “They will like you,” I said. “I promise. What makes you think they won’t?”

“Because I’m a fan, Taylor!” she almost shouted at me, her green eyes blazing. “And according to Kate, Sophie hates people like me!”

She had a point. Katie and Matthew were fine with Hanson fans, provided they weren’t too far over the top. Sophie, on the other hand, hated them – she had for many years. I did understand why, but it didn’t mean I had to like it.

“She does, yeah,” I admitted. “But how about this. If you come to the party with me, I’ll make sure she’s on her best behaviour all night.”

“Promise?”

“I promise.” I gave Ruby a smile, one that she returned after a few moments. “Come on, let’s get out of here.”

Three evenings later I stood backstage at the Albury Entertainment Centre, listening to the crowd through the heavy curtains that blocked off the side of the stage with my eyes closed. Tonight was the final show of the Victorian regional tour – we were all due to fly back to Sydney in the morning. As much as I’d enjoyed being back out on the road, home was calling my name. It was going to be good to get back to Wollongong, and I knew that Ruby at the very least felt the same way.

“Hey.”

I opened one eye to see Zac standing a couple of metres away, a pair of drumsticks in hand. He had one eyebrow raised at me. “Don’t go falling asleep on us.”

“I’m not going to fall asleep. I’m just thinking.”

“About what?”

I didn’t answer right away, choosing instead to play with one of the buttons on my shirt. “It’s seven years in a week from tomorrow,” I said finally.

“You’re a bit worried, yeah?”

“How could I not be? This…” My voice faltered a bit. “I’m more than worried. I’m terrified, Zac. I’m absolutely fucking petrified that Dr. Torrens will tell me that there’s something wrong and she wants me in hospital as soon as possible. I…I can’t go through all of that again. Not after what happened the last couple of times.”

“I don’t blame you, to be honest.” He didn’t say anything for a little while. “You’ve been feeling good though, yeah?”

“Aside from having another flare-up, yeah,” I replied. “I’m feeling great. Not any more tired than I usually am at the end of a tour.”

“I don’t think you have anything to worry about, Tay.” He gave me a smile, one I did my best to echo. “Don’t push yourself too hard tonight though, all right? If you need Isaac or I to take over for a bit…”

He trailed off, leaving me to pick up the thread, and I nodded. “I’ll let you know.”

“Good.” He clapped me on the shoulder. “Still okay to kick things off?”

For a second or two I was tempted to make a sarcastic remark, but I held back. “Yeah, I am.”

And really, I was. By the time we took the stage not even five minutes later, the cheering and applause from the audience greeting us as we walked to our instruments, I was beginning to feel as if the energy that had been building up all afternoon and evening was going to explode right out of me. Once I reached my piano I closed my eyes for a few moments so I could ground myself, taking a couple of deep breaths before opening my eyes again and reaching for my electric guitar.

As the first chords of our version of the Kaiser Chiefs’ Ruby rang out, followed by Zac’s drums, I could have sworn the cheering grew even louder. I grinned to myself right before I started to sing, the audience matching me word for word.

“Let it never be said that romance is dead…’cause there’s so little else occupying my head…there is nothing I need ‘cept the function to breathe…but I’m not really fussed, doesn’t matter to me…

“Ruby, Ruby, Ruby, Ruby…do you, do you, do you, do you…know what you’re doing, doing to me…Ruby, Ruby, Ruby, Ruby…

“Due to lack of interest tomorrow is cancelled…let the clocks be reset and the pendulums held…’cause there’s nothing at all ‘cept the space in between…finding out what you’re called, and repeating your name…

“Ruby, Ruby, Ruby, Ruby…do you, do you, do you, do you…know what you’re doing, doing to me…Ruby, Ruby, Ruby, Ruby…

“Could it be, could it be that you’re joking with me…and you don’t really see you with me…could it be, could it be that you’re joking with me…and you don’t really see you with me…

“Ruby, Ruby, Ruby, Ruby…do you, do you, do you, do you…know what you’re doing, doing to me…Ruby, Ruby, Ruby, Ruby…do you, do you, do you, do you…know what you’re doing, doing to me…”

The wave of applause that went up as the song ended almost knocked me off my feet. In the few moments before the next song I scanned the crowd, searching for Ruby, and found her up in the first row of the gallery. As soon as I spotted her I gave her a smile, just as I’d done the night we’d met almost five months ago – and just like that December night, she smiled back.

That one smile from Ruby was all it took for almost all of my worry about my upcoming appointment to fade away. It wouldn’t go away entirely until after I’d seen Dr. Torrens and she’d given me the all clear for another twelve months – it never did. And I was okay with that. I had to be.

You’ll get through this, I told myself as I exchanged my guitar for my piano bench. Just like you always do.

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