“So how’s TAFE going so far?” Zac asked me that weekend. My first week of classes – which, being as I only went to TAFE twice a week, didn’t really count as a week per se – had gone off more or less without a hitch, and because I’d stayed back after classes on Tuesday and Thursday to do my homework the weekend was mine to do with as I pleased. And I had decided to spend it catching up on my reading.

At least, that had been the plan up until lunchtime on Saturday. Zac had decided to ring me right as I’d planted myself on the lounge with the book I’d been given by a fan at the beginning of the September tour – Four Fires by Bryce Courtenay. I’d already finished it twice, and was about to begin my second re-read. Once my phone had started ringing, though, and I’d seen whose name had popped up on its caller ID, that particular plan had gone right out the window.

“It’s going okay,” I replied. “You remember that girl you and Isaac were pestering me about last month? She goes to the same TAFE as me.”

“Oh really? She doing Design as well?”

“Nope. She’s studying to be a librarian. Her name’s Ruby McCormick.”

“How’d you find that out if you’re not in the same course as her?”

“We bumped into each other outside the campus library on Monday. Well, I say bumped,” I amended. “More like she ran into me with her wheelchair and knocked me over.”

“Jeez, you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. Whacked my knee on the pavers but no harm done. Anyway, she’s really nice. Pretty, too.”

“Aww, is Taylor in love?” Zac teased.

“Shut up Zac. I barely know her.”

“Never stopped you before. What was the name of the girl you were going out with when you were in Year 11? You know, that chick from Kotara High?”

“Natasha,” I replied. “And that was stupid of me anyway. Most girls are like she was, only after me because I’m famous or whatever. Ruby, though, she’s a fan but she’s not rabid about it. You know? Once she got over the shock of seeing me at TAFE, we got on well enough. Had lunch together and everything.”

“Are you sure you don’t like her?”

“Okay, maybe I like her a little bit,” I relented.

“Knew it,” Zac said slyly. “When’s the wedding?”

“Zac, I am this fucking close to hanging up on you,” I warned. “Stop fucking shit-stirring already.”

“Okay, okay, sorry. It’s been a while since you’ve been out with a girl, that’s all. I was starting to think you’d gone a bit, well…” He trailed off, and I knew he was attempting to come up with a way to finish his sentence that wouldn’t piss me off.

“A bit what, Zac?” I asked, my tone promising a world of pain the next time I saw my brother if he didn’t explain himself. “I’m going to count to five…”

“A bit bent, okay?”

“Jesus, Zac…” I scrubbed my free hand over my face. “Zac, just because I haven’t fucked a girl since high school doesn’t mean I’ve gone off them! It’s a lack of opportunity, not a lack of attraction. I still like girls, okay?”

“Yeah okay, don’t get all aggro at me. What are you doing this weekend?”

“Reading, mostly. I already finished all my homework, and apart from practicing my guitar a bit or going for a surf I can’t really think of anything else to do.”

“Sounds a whole lot less exhausting than what I’ve got planned. Jack’s decided he wants a cubbyhouse. Saw the one at his preschool his first day there and decided he wanted one for the backyard at home. Wouldn’t let up until I promised to build him one.”

I snickered. “Oh, you poor baby. This is what happens when you have brats, you know. I’d have thought you’d have figured that out when Isaac’s lot got old enough for preschool.”

“Oh, pull your head in. It wouldn’t be so bad if he just wanted one like the one Dad built for us when we were kids – you know, that little hut up on stilts that had a ladder up to it?”

“Yeah, I remember that one,” I said sourly. “I broke my arm falling off that fucking ladder. So he wants a castle then?”

“Pretty much.”

I snickered again. “Suck it up Zac, you signed up for this when you knocked Kate up,” I reminded him.

I swore I could see Zac rolling his eyes at this. “I might let you get back to it then. I know how you get when you get stuck into your reading.”

“Smartest idea you’ve had in years,” I snarked at him. “See ya Zac.”

“See ya Tay.”

We hung up, and I put my phone on silent before opening my book and attempting to get lost in its pages. It didn’t take me long to realise that any attempt I made at reading that afternoon was going to be a mostly futile one.

“This is ridiculous,” I grumbled, resisting the temptation to throw the book across the room. I had a rough idea of why I couldn’t concentrate on reading, and there really was only one way I was going to solve this particular problem of mine.

In almost no time at all I had changed out of my jeans and T-shirt into shorts and a singlet, dug my runners out of the depths of my wardrobe, and tied one of my bandannas over my hair. I hadn’t been for a run in months – going for a surf every morning was usually the extent of my athletic endeavours – so I was definitely going to need to ease back into it slowly. At the same time, though, I wanted to push myself and see just how far I could get. My iPod went into its armband, which I strapped around my left arm, my phone, wallet and keys into my pockets, and I slid my sunglasses onto my face before leaving the house.

“Good afternoon Taylor!” called out my next-door neighbour as I walked past the end of their driveway. I lifted my sunglasses up with one hand to see who had called out to me, squinting against the bright February sunlight.

“Hi Mrs. Daniels!” I called back. Mrs. Daniels was standing in her front yard with her garden hose in hand, the hose’s spray nozzle pointed at the little garden that ran alongside the inside of the chainlink fence.

“Off for a run?” she asked me, and I nodded.

“I need to think,” I replied. “Already went for a surf this morning so a run’s the next best thing. Going to see how far I can get.”

“Well, good luck.” She gave me a smile and aimed her hose at me. I ducked out of the way before she could spray me with water, returned her smile and let my sunglasses drop back into place.

Somewhat surprisingly, I found it easy to settle back into my running rhythm. It was just me, the road beneath my feet, music from my iPod flowing into my ears through my earphones, and the warm summer sunshine on my bare arms and shoulders. I loved surfing – I wouldn’t have set my alarm for five o’clock every morning, rain hail or shine, if I didn’t. Sometimes, though, I needed to wear myself out so that I was almost too exhausted to think, and going for a run suited that particular need nicely.

I finally stopped running at the end of Towradgi Road, having taken the route past the caravan park and the surf club that were near Corrimal Beach. Being a Saturday during summer, the sports fields in Towradgi Park along with the swimming pool were packed with people. As soon as I paused my iPod, the sounds of waves on the rocks at Towradgi Point, water splashing and children’s laughter from the swimming pool, and cheering from the sports fields almost immediately replaced the INXS song I’d been listening to. Almost as soon as I had stopped running I bent forward, hands on my knees, and tried to catch my breath. I’d only run a kilometre and a half, but I felt as if I’d run ten times that distance. One thing was for sure – I would definitely be feeling it in the morning. It was worth it though, because my mind was clearer than it had been in weeks.

But as I began my walk over to the pool so I could sit down in the seating area, one thought in particular popped back into my head.

Ruby.

I liked her. I knew that much for sure. I had only spoken to her a few times, but I’d already figured out a few things about her. She was smart as a whip – considering she was studying a Diploma-level course, I wasn’t exactly surprised by that – just sarcastic enough to be entertaining, and she had a good head on her shoulders. The fact that she was absolutely gorgeous was just a fringe benefit. It didn’t even bother me that she was a Hanson fan. Were Ruby anyone else – her friend Lisbeth, perhaps – I would have been extremely wary of becoming friends with her, but somehow I knew it wouldn’t be a problem. There was just something about her that made me want to get to know her better.

My phone vibrated in my pocket as I walked away from the swimming pool about fifteen minutes after I’d sat down. I flipped my earphones out of my ears before I answered my phone. “Hello?”

“Jesus Christ, it’s about damn time you answered,” Isaac said, sounding rather annoyed that I hadn’t answered my phone right away. “What the hell took you so long?”

“If you must know,” I said as I walked up the slope toward the cycleway, “I went for a run and I put my phone on silent. You know I can’t talk while I’m running. I guess I forgot to turn the ringer back on when I was finished.”

“Only you would go for a run in the middle of summer,” he said with a chuckle.

“Well, you know what they say about mad dogs and Englishmen.”

“Yeah, and you’re neither.”

I rolled my eyes and sat down at one of the picnic tables that was at the top of the slope. “So what do I owe the pleasure of a phone call from my big brother this afternoon?” I asked.

“Mum wants to know what you have planned for your birthday.”

I bit back a sigh. “Of course she does. She does know there’s still more than a month until then, right?”

“Tay, you’re turning thirty-”

“Jesus Christ Isaac, I know how old I’m turning!” I interjected. “The absolute last thing I want or need is a reminder of how old I am. And I definitely don’t want to be reminded of the fact that I very nearly didn’t make it to my thirties.” I closed my eyes briefly. “All I really want to do for my birthday this year is spend it with family and a few friends. That’s it. I don’t want a huge production for it. And I have to go to class on my birthday this year so I can’t really do much on the actual day anyway.”

“Mum’s not going to like that, just warning you.”

“Yeah, well, that’s not my problem. I’d rather she focus her energies on Jess’ twenty-fifth, not my thirtieth. Twenty-five’s a more important birthday anyway.” I scuffed the heel of my right runner across the concrete beneath my feet. “I’ll probably come up for the weekend after my birthday, though – she should be happy with that.”

“Fair enough. What’d you go for a run for, anyway?”

“Needed to think.”

“Of course you did. You planning on doing the City To Surf this year?”

“Yeah right,” I scoffed. “I’m not stupid.”

“Just thought I’d ask.”

“Yeah, whatever.” I glanced quickly at my watch. “Anyway, I need to start heading home – I ended up running all the way out to Towradgi Point so I’ve got a bit of a walk ahead of me.”

“You ran all that way?” my brother asked. He sounded just a little shocked that I’d run so far from my place. “You’re insane.”

“It’s not that far. Kilometre and a half, if that. I rode my bike further than that to get to school after we moved out of Broadmeadow. You should try it the next time you come down here.”

“I think I’ll pass.”

“Lazy bastard. Talk to you later mate.”

“Yeah, see ya.”

We hung up, and I slid my phone back into my pocket. I hadn’t been lying to Isaac – I did have a fair way to walk to get home. A kilometre and a half wasn’t far in theory, but when that distance was spread out across two suburbs it was more than a little daunting. I wasn’t about to catch the bus or a taxi home, not without having a shower first, so there was really only one option left to me – if I was going to get home anytime soon, I had to start walking.

With the prospect of a shower and a nap in my very near future, I stuck my earphones back into my ears, hit play on my iPod again, and set off on my walk home.

---

When I walked into the canteen at TAFE the following Thursday, half-expecting to see Ruby already sitting at our usual table, I found myself just a little disappointed that she wasn’t there. Lisbeth, Ella and Anthony were, though, and I figured I could find out from them where she was.

“Is Ruby all right?” I asked Lisbeth as I sat down at the table across from her.

“She’s not feeling well,” Lisbeth replied. “Texted me yesterday morning to tell me that she wouldn’t be here at all this week. Hopefully she’ll be back on Friday, but I wouldn’t count on it.” She gave me a smile. “It’s not the first time it’s happened, and it definitely won’t be the last. Ruby, well…let’s just say it’s complicated. And I’d love to tell you what’s going on with her – all three of us would” here she gestured to herself, Ella and Anthony “but I know for an absolute fact that she would be very angry with us. She’ll tell you when she’s ready. And before you ask, I have no idea when that will be. She hates talking about it unless it’s absolutely necessary, so it’ll probably take her a couple of months at the very least.”
“But she will tell you, though,” Ella added. “It’s obvious to all three of us that she considers you a friend. It’s just a matter of time, really.”

“She does?” I asked, feeling just a little surprised.

“Yeah,” Lisbeth said. She pointed the tines of her fork at me. “Don’t ask me or Ella how we know that, we just do. Call it secret women’s business.”

“I have three sisters, Lisbeth. I also lived in the same house as my mother for just over twenty years. I know all about secret women’s business.” I cracked a smile at Lisbeth. “But say no more. I’ll let Ruby tell me in her own time.”

I had expected the rest of that day to be as lazy as the morning had been, or as lazy as it was possible to be when you were holed up in the campus auditorium with thirty or so other Design students, watching a documentary about design in the 1940s. When my phone vibrated in my pocket as I was heading back upstairs to the art studio in Q Block where my Thursday afternoon class was held, I quickly realised that the rest of the day would be anything but lazy.

“Hey Isaac,” I said to answer my phone. I’d stopped in the corridor outside the art studio on the block’s second floor to take the phone call, knowing that the teacher who taught that class frowned upon her students using their phones in the studio. “What’s up?”

“Are you busy this afternoon?” Isaac asked.

“Uh, yeah,” I replied, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. “I’ve got art class in a few minutes.”

“Can you skip it? We need you to come up to Newcastle as soon as possible.”

“Isaac, what’s going on?” I asked, suddenly worried. “Did something happen?”

He didn’t say anything for a few moments. “Have a look at the entertainment section of the Daily Telegraph’s website the first chance you get, all right?” he said at last. “This could be really bad.”

“Okay, you’re really starting to scare me,” I said. “Can you please just tell me what the fuck is going on?”

“You’re not going to like it,” he warned.

“I don’t care. Tell me.”

There was a lengthy silence on Isaac’s end of the line. “Someone found out that you started going to TAFE, and they leaked it to the media. There’s already rumours going around that the band’s about to break up.”

“Shit.”

“Yeah. Now do you see why you need to skip class this afternoon?”

“Yeah, I do,” I replied. I sighed and closed my eyes. “Okay, I’ll tell my teacher that I need to take a rain check on class – I’ll be on my way up there as soon as I can.”

“Let me know what train you’re catching from Sydney, yeah? I’ll pick you up when you get here.”

“Yeah, no worries. I’ll see you tonight.”

I hung up and tipped my head back against the nearby wall. “Well this is just fucking wonderful,” I muttered. There went any hope I had of being relatively anonymous at TAFE until graduation. My teachers and classmates all knew who I was, but none of them cared all that much. There was no way I was going to ignore it and hope like hell that it all just blew over, because I knew that would never happen. I knew the media all too well for that. Unless they found something new to latch onto soon, they’d be harping on about this for weeks. Never mind that there were at least two people who wouldn’t let me take this lying down. There really was only one thing I could do now.

“Rhea, can I talk to you really quick?” I asked my art teacher once I was inside the studio.

“Of course, Taylor,” Rhea replied. “Is everything all right?”

“Not exactly.” I resisted the temptation to bite down hard on my bottom lip. “I need to go home – there’s been an emergency with work and I have to do a bit of damage control.”

“Oh yes, of course,” Rhea said. “Don’t worry about any homework – I’ll ask one of your classmates to pass on any notes to you the next time you’re in class. I’ll see you next Thursday.”

“Thank you,” I whispered gratefully. I turned around and headed back out of the studio, just barely holding myself back from pelting hell-for-leather down the corridor to the lift. As I walked I had to force myself to stop thinking about the potential ramifications of what had happened – I especially had to force myself to stop thinking about just who could have done it.

The first thing I did as soon as I got home, right after I had locked my front door behind me, was get on my laptop and log into my Hanson.net account. On any other day I would have just given the list of new private messages I’d received since the previous evening a quick glance and make a note of which ones I wanted to reply to later, but the subject line of the top message caught my eye right away – Ruby from TAFE. Something told me I needed to read it straight away – I figured that it had to be important if Ruby had hopped online to tell me something, rather than waiting a week to tell me at TAFE.

And as it turned out, I was right.

Taylor,

I saw what the Daily Telegraph posted on their website this morning – normally I wouldn’t go poking around in that particular section (because it’s all garbage and that shit rots your brain), but my sister Taleah told me I needed to see it. I have no idea how they found out but I will swear to you right now – IT WASN’T ME. I would never betray you like that – I don’t do that to my friends. It wasn’t Lis, Ella or Anthony either – I’ve known Lis since primary school, and Ella and Anthony since high school, and I know for an absolute fact none of them would do something like that. I know you wanted it kept a secret and I’m so fucking angry that someone had the hide to do this. I had to retype this at least three times because I’m shaking so much – that’s how pissed off I am.

If there’s anything you want or need any of us to do – I’m talking about the general Hanson fandom here, the ones who aren’t panic merchants at least – let me know and I’ll rally the troops. We’ve got your back mate. :)

- Ruby

Even though I should really have been getting myself ready to head up to Newcastle, I didn’t even hesitate in replying to Ruby’s message. However late I ended up leaving home, I was still going to get to Newcastle late that evening so it didn’t really matter all that much.

Ruby,

I’m in the middle of getting ready to leave for Newcastle for an emergency band meeting (one of the ONLY bad things about living in Wollongong, I’m usually the one who has to do all the travelling) so I have to make this quick, but thank you – you’ve made me feel a little better about all of this. I’ll probably see you next Thursday – if I’m allowed to, I’ll tell you what’s happening. I can’t make any promises, but I should be able to talk my brothers into letting me tell my friends at the very least. That’s what friends are for, right?

- Taylor

As soon as the message was sent, I hopped straight onto the CityRail website in search of a few trains that would get me up to Newcastle in a reasonable amount of time, making a note of the stations and times before sending Isaac a text. I’ll be on the 4:45pm from central – gets into cardiff at 7:14pm. Almost as an afterthought, I added to the end, Can you please get me some macca’s before you pick me up? I won’t have time to eat at central and it’ll be way too early to eat dinner before i leave home.

Isaac’s answering text landed in my phone’s inbox just as I was shoving everything I was going to need for the weekend into my duffle bag and my backpack. It was short and mostly to the point. Yeah no worries. Just a heads up, nessa and joel have called a short meeting for tonight.

“Damn it,” I muttered when I saw the bit about the meeting with our manager and one of the representatives of our record label, Liberation Music. There was no doubt in my mind whatsoever that I was going to need a lot of coffee and nerves of steel to make it through tonight’s meeting without falling asleep and with my sanity intact.

By the time two o’clock rolled around, I was ready to head out. My train wasn’t until just after two-thirty, and it only took me fifteen minutes to walk to Corrimal station, but I didn’t want to miss my train and be stuck waiting half an hour for the next one. Once I’d done a quick scout around to make sure I hadn’t left anything behind, I switched on my bedroom light so it looked like there was someone still at home and headed out, swinging my backpack onto my right shoulder and picking up my duffle bag by its strap as I left the house.

Leaving my place now, I tapped into a new text as I walked north along Pioneer Road, toward the intersection with Station Street. Walking south would eventually have taken me to Towradgi station – even though catching the train from Towradgi wouldn’t have added more than a couple of minutes to my travel time, I still didn’t want to spend any more time on the train than I already had to. Five hours was a long time to be stuck inside of what were essentially tin cans on wheels. Text you when i’m leaving central.

I ended up spending most of my travelling time that afternoon and evening drafting a post that I planned to post at Hanson.net once I got the okay from my brothers. I only took breaks when I was waiting for my connecting trains at Thirroul and Central, and I didn’t stop working until the familiar automated announcement came over the PA to let the train’s passengers know that the train was approaching Fassifern station. My stop would be coming up in around ten minutes’ time, and I didn’t particularly want to be scrambling to collect my bits and pieces when the train rolled into my stop. Knowing my luck, if that happened I wouldn’t actually manage to leave the train until it was in Hamilton. And seeing as I would risk a fine from the transit police that had been patrolling the train since Wyong if I did stay on past Cardiff, it was better for my bank account if I got off the train at my intended stop.

Night had just fallen when the train rolled into Cardiff, almost five hours after I’d left Corrimal. I scanned the platform as I stepped off the train, spotting Isaac sitting on one of the bench seats a few metres away, and headed over to him.

“Vanessa and Joel are insane,” I said once I was certain I was within my brother’s earshot. “What the fuck were they thinking calling a meeting for tonight?”

“Hello to you too,” Isaac said pointedly as he stood up. “And I don’t know what was going through their heads. They probably forgot that you don’t live in Newcastle anymore.”

“As if,” I scoffed. “They both know damn well how long it takes me to get up here. I am going to need a shitload of coffee if I’m going to stay awake for however long this fucking meeting will end up going for.”

“Mum had the kettle going when I left to pick you up,” Isaac said. He held up a folded-shut McDonald’s bag. “You still like Quarter Pounders, right?”

I grinned. “You know I do. Thanks, mate – you’re a lifesaver.” I took the bag from him, unfolded the top and peered inside at its contents – the aforementioned Quarter Pounder, and a red box of fries. It wasn’t the healthiest dinner, but I figured it couldn’t hurt just this once.

Isaac returned my smile. “Come on, before they send out a search party,” he said, and set off toward the stairs that led to the station exit.

“Fucking search parties,” I muttered, and hurried after Isaac so that he didn’t leave me behind, eating some of my fries as I went.

Zac, Vanessa and Joel were waiting for us downstairs at my parents’ house when we arrived, in our old practice space – Zac was nursing a mug of coffee almost as big as the one I was carrying, while Vanessa and Joel both had unusually serious looks on their faces. “So what’s going on?” I asked, my tone almost nonchalant. It probably wasn’t the best tone to take right now, but it was pretty much the only way I had of masking how infuriated I was that some idiot had decided to make my life just a little more difficult than it already was. Not to mention it was an attempt at hiding just how tired I was.

“Pull up a seat, Taylor,” Joel said. “We just want a bit of a chat for now – we’ll save the serious stuff for tomorrow. I can tell that you’re not much in the mood for that.”

No shit, I wanted to say, but I held back. Were it just Joel in the room with us, I could have gotten away with it – he had been our manager for nearly eighteen years, and therefore the three of us had a little more leeway with him that we might not have had with anyone else. Vanessa, on the other hand, tended to take things a lot more seriously. And being as it was getting on past eight o’clock at night, I knew it was best not to piss her off – she probably wanted to get things over and done with as much as I did. I was just about ready to drop as it was.

“All we’d like to know for now is if you have any idea who might have leaked your attendance at TAFE to the media,” Vanessa said. “Is there anyone in your classes who knows who you are?”

“They all do,” I replied. “As do my teachers. I had to explain everything to the head of the faculty I’m studying under in order to be approved to apply as a part-time student. And I know it sounds stupid, but I am absolutely certain that none of them would have dobbed me in to the press.”

“That sounds a little hard to believe, if you’ll excuse my scepticism. You’ve only been in class for two weeks, correct?”

“Basically, yeah,” I replied, wondering just where Vanessa was going with this.

“Vanessa, take it from me,” Joel said. “Taylor’s intuition tends to be pretty spot-on. It’s very rare that he’s wrong about anyone and their intentions, and if he felt that anyone in any of his classes had that sort of intent toward him then he wouldn’t have said a word to them. It’s more likely than anything else that someone overheard and thought they could score some points with someone in the media by telling them what he was doing over the next couple of years.”

“That’d be bloody right,” I muttered just loud enough for everyone in the room to hear, before raising my voice to its normal volume. “How exactly are we going to deal with this?”

“We can talk about that in-depth tomorrow morning,” Joel replied. “But it’s likely that we’ll work up a press release and put it out early next week. We’ll let the three of you deal with your fans and the rumours that are already circulating.”

“Oh, they’re circulating all right,” Zac said. said. “Didn’t take them long either.” He drained the remainder of the coffee from his mug and eased himself to his feet. “I need to head home. Promised Jack and Rosie they’d get a bedtime story tonight.”

“See you tomorrow then,” Joel said. Zac raised a hand in acknowledgment and wandered out of the room, disappearing upstairs. “We might leave things there for now, then. Taylor looks like he’s about to drop, anyway.”

I let out a rusty-sounding chuckle. “Considering I’ve been awake since five this morning, I’m surprised I’m still standing,” I said. “Hell I’m surprised I didn’t fall asleep on the train up here.” I raised my mug in a salute of sorts. “I’m going to go and crash. See you in the morning.”

“Good night, Taylor,” Vanessa said with a smile, while Joel merely mirrored my salute.

Upstairs in the kitchen, I finished off my coffee and listened to the sounds around me. My parents watching TV just a few metres from where I stood, the tinny sound of music drifting out of Zoë’s headphones as she did her homework at the dining table, the occasional creak of the walls and foundation as they settled, even birds in the trees that dotted the property. It all made me smile, even despite how exhausted I was – more than anything else, they were the sounds of home.

Before I wandered off to bed, I walked up behind Zoë and took her headphones off her head. She jumped easily half a foot in the air before pausing her music and twisting around to look at me. “Jesus Christ Taylor, you scared the shit out of me!” she hissed at me.

“Sorry, Zo. Wasn’t going to get your attention any other way.” I punctuated this with a shrug. “Just thought I’d say goodnight.”

“Oh, okay. ‘Night, Tay.” She said this with a smile, one that I mirrored.

“‘Night, Zo.” I bent down, pressed a kiss to the top of Zoë’s head, and slipped her headphones back into place. “Love you sis.”

“Love you too,” she murmured in reply. I smiled again and headed out of the kitchen to my bedroom, closing the door behind me.

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