---

“Hmm, not bad,” I commented as Cassie finished reading.

“Check out the pin-up that they’ve shoved in with it,” Cassie said, turning the magazine around so that we could see it properly. The poster was one of the photographs from one of our earliest professional photo shoots – Cassie was on the left, wearing that infamous red halter top, her black miniskirt and her Pierre Fontaine heels. Matthew was on the right, wearing his black baggy cargo pants, black Ocean and Earth T-shirt and his slightly scuffed Vans, wallet chain hanging down off one of his belt loops and drumsticks sticking out of one of this pockets. He had his arms crossed over his chest. And I was in the middle, crouched down behind my Fender Strat, wearing my jeans, long sleeved black Quiksilver shirt and my Etnies; my hair was down and my rat-tail swung free over a shoulder, while my eyebrow ring had light reflecting off of it.

“Now that is a good photograph,” Matthew said approvingly. “The article isn’t half bad either.”

Cassie closed the magazine and rolled it up; she stuck it into her backpack. “Come on, we have a photo shoot to get ready for; let’s go.”

---

I turned twenty on the fourteenth of March, expecting nothing more than a normal day with my friends (or what was normal for us nowadays anyway). Instead, it was quite possibly one of the best days of my life.

I was woken at about nine thirty in the morning, after someone let off a piercing whistle right in my left ear. My eyes flew right open to see Cassie and Matthew grinning right at me.

“Jesus bloody Christ you two…” I muttered, shielding my eyes against the sunlight streaming into my room. “It’s too fuckin’ early…”

“Oh, quit your whining; it’s your birthday, Tay! Twenty years old!” Cassie whipped my quilt right off of me, tossing it to the floor. “Get up, get dressed, and get in Matt’s car; we’ve got a surprise waiting for you.”

“I’d rather stay right here in bed.”

“Taylor Francis Kennedy, if you don’t get up right this instant I am stripping you naked and sending you on a walk through the Sydney CBD,” Cassie threatened. “And there are three and a half million people living in Sydney, so unless you want them to see you in all your naked glory, you had better do as we say. And fast.”

I flinched. If Cassie makes a threat, then watch out because nine times out of ten, she will make good on it. Even despite this, I decided to see how far I could push her before she bit. I immediately rolled over onto my side and feigned sleep. As soon as I did so, I felt my wrists and ankles being seized by two pairs of hands.

“Right Matt, strip him!” Cassie yelled.

“Hey!” I protested. “Okay, okay, I’m getting up!”

Cassie grinned and smacked my shoulder soundly. “We’ll be waiting downstairs, and we will be coming back up here at twenty five to ten to check that you haven’t gone back to sleep. And you will be walking naked through Sydney if we catch you doing so.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever. A little privacy if you don’t mind?”

“Five minutes,” Cassie said before she and Matthew left the room.

I kept muttering to myself as I got dressed and made my way downstairs, running a brush through my hair and then tying it back as I walked. Cassie and Matthew were waiting at the foot of the stairs for me, Cassie twirling her hair around one of her fingers and tapping her foot rather impatiently against the hardwood floor.

“Well, are we going or what?” I questioned. “You two are the ones who saw fit to get me out of my nice, warm bed at nine thirty this morning, so come on, let’s make a move.”

“Oh, quit your whinging.” Matthew fished around in his pockets and pulled out his car keys, then led the way out of the front door. “And you are not allowed to ask questions pertaining to the nature of today’s outing-”

“Whoa, whoa, hold up just a second.” I held up my hands. “Did you eat the dictionary this morning or something?”

Matthew rolled his eyes. “Okay then, no asking questions about where we’re going. You’ll find out when we get there.”

“Aw, you’re no fun.”

Matthew simply stuck his tongue out at me and, having locked up the house, got behind the wheel of the Lancer; Cassie and I followed suit, sliding into the front passenger and back seats respectively. “Please, can I at least know where we’re going?” I asked. “Like just a general location?”

Matthew sighed and eyeballed me in the rear view mirror. “Gosford,” was all he had to say.

“And you aren’t getting any more out of us, so don’t even try,” Cassie added.

“I wasn’t going to,” I said. “Believe me, I wasn’t going to.”

“Good,” Cassie said. “Come on Matt, drive.”

As Matthew drove, even over the sound of Eminem’s The Eminem Show album I could hear them talking, more specifically about me and my prowess at ten pin bowling.

“What’s his highest bowling score again?” Cassie was asking.

“Two forty six, I think; I know mine is two ninety eight.”

“That’s going to be a score to beat, that’s for fucking sure; I can only manage a one eighty seven at the best of times. Maybe we can recruit Emma to play with us or something, otherwise the Yanks will outnumber us four to three.”

“Yeah, that’ll work; the teams will be even that way, two guys and two girls per team, Yanks versus Aussies.”

What the fuck were they talking about? Ten pin bowling? Bowling scores? Yanks versus Aussies? Oh, no…not ten pin bowling; I embarrassed the hell outta myself the last time we went! If we have to go to the lanes in Wyoming then I am not getting outta the car unless they pay me a hundred bucks each.

As it turned out, Matt had told a little white lie to throw me off the trail; he pulled his car up in the car park of Gosford City Lanes in Wyoming and cut the engine.

“Oh no; no fuckin’ way Matt,” I said. “I’m not going in there.”

“Tay, relax, Kitty isn’t the manager anymore; the whole place has been under new management since January,” Matthew assured me. “Believe me, I checked it out.” He nodded toward the double doors that led into the building. “Besides, don’t you want to kick some seppo arse?”

I followed his gaze to see five people standing near the building entrance; I recognised one as being my sister Emma, and another as being…

“Bryony!” I yelled. I threw my car door open and bolted toward my half sister. She pelted toward me and threw herself into my arms. “Why didn’t you tell me you were coming?”

“Your family made me swear I’d keep my mouth shut,” she explained. “Hey, I love this little braid thing you’ve got going on,” she said, winding my rat-tail around her right index finger.

Someone cleared their throat behind us. “Oh, I want to introduce you to some people,” Bryony said. She spun me around. “Taylor, meet my stepbrother Isaac, my brother Zac and my sister Jessica; I guess that makes Zac and Jess your brother and sister as well.”

I merely nodded, suddenly shy. Matthew walked up to our little gathering at that moment. “Shall we go in?” he suggested. “By the way, all of you need to pitch in about five, maybe ten bucks each towards the cost of hiring the lanes and the bowling shoes. I’m not made of money, despite reports to the contrary. I also didn’t bring that much cash with me, and I’m not entirely sure that this place still takes ATM cards.”

We all agreed and entered the building; Matt held out his hand for all of us to pitch in with our share, and he went up to the counter to pay. “Don’t think I’m gonna go easy on any of you, just because you’re family,” I stated jokingly to Bryony. “I have my pride to uphold.”

Bryony jerked her thumb over her shoulder. “Zac can bowl a perfect game ninety nine percent of the time,” she said. “We’re not gonna go easy on you either.”

We separated, moving over to our designated lanes – we Aussies on lane eight, and the Americans on lane seven. Matthew typed our nicknames for the game into the computer – Matt, Ginge (Cassie), Sparkles (Emma) and Stringbean (me) – as Emma, Cassie and I put our bowling shoes on. I protested quite vocally when I saw what Matthew had called me, and Matthew explained, “Stringbean is what you call someone when they’re tall and skinny. Don’t get so fucking defensive.”

We got into the swing of things fairly quickly, going by the old adage ‘A quick game’s a good game’ for the first game. After half an hour we’d finished – Matthew had 287, I had 282, Emma had 180 and Cassie had 149.

I sneaked over to the adjoining lane to suss out the situation – Zac had 299, Isaac had 291, Bryony had 278 and Jessica rounded out the scores with 277. Not bad at all, I decided as I scurried back to my lane.

“They’re good, you guys,” I said as I sat back down. “And I mean good. I bet they go bowling a lot.”

“Hey! Cass!”

Cassie twisted around in her seat to see who was calling her name. “Jennie!” she called back. “Come on over here!”

Jennie Edmonds, along with her friends Xavier Barnes, Gwen Dixon and Ty Chambers, walked over and dropped their gear off in the seats near the head of lane nine. “And how are the rock stars on this fine March morning?” Gwen asked as she propped her foot up on one of the seats and did up the laces of her shoes.

“The rock stars are just fine, thank you very much,” I said. “These two got me up at nine-thirty this morning; I should at least be able to sleep later than ten on my birthday.” I jerked my thumb over at Cassie and Matthew.

“Oh yeah; it’s your birthday today isn’t it?” Jennie asked. “Happy birthday!”

“Thank you,” I replied with a smile. “I can’t believe I’m twenty.”

“Me neither,” Gwen agreed. “It’s like it was only yesterday, you were this skinny, blonde, ten-year-old midget of a thing running around the playground of Gosford East Public School. Time sure flies, doesn’t it?”

“Oh it does,” Cassie agreed. “And to think Tay, we’ve been dating for six months now; can you believe it?”

My only response was to kiss Cassie squarely on the lips. “Mmm, you taste like cherries,” I told her when we’d broken apart.

Cassie flashed me a grin. “Right answer,” she said.

---

We finished up at the bowling alley and drove back to Gosford, pulling up outside my house. “Well, we got here eventually, didn’t we?” Matthew asked, cutting the engine and hopping out of the car. “Come on, we’re late; we were originally supposed to be here at twelve-thirty, and it’s one right now.”

I entered the house first, compulsively twirling my rat-tail around my fingers; it was something I tended to do when I was nervous for any reason. “Anyone home?” I called in a slightly strangled voice.

“In the kitchen!” came my mother’s voice. I walked the familiar path into the kitchen, emerging into the room I’d spent many an afternoon doing homework, writing songs, talking with my family, with my friends. It was the epitome of home to me.

Mum was sitting at the kitchen table, talking to someone who I guessed to be Bryony’s mother, two coffee cups sitting on coasters to protect the table’s surface. “Coffee, Taylor?” Mum asked me, getting up to find another coffee cup.

“No thanks,” I said. “I already had some at the bowling alley, and it’s put me off coffee for awhile; I must be used to the stuff we’ve been making at the house in Sydney, ‘cause quite frankly it tasted like shit.”

“Language, Taylor,” Mum reprimanded me. “And yes, you probably are used to it. Sit down, there’s someone I’d like you to meet.”

I sat down in a spare seat, and Mum made a couple of introductions. “Diana, I want you to meet Taylor,” Mum said. “Taylor, this is-”

“My mother,” I whispered, finishing for her. I swallowed and tried to speak, but my mother (my ‘real’ mother that is) spoke instead.

“After all these years,” she said softly, a tiny smile on her face.

“It’s…it’s nice to meet you,” I managed to say. I still hadn’t forgotten the phone call I’d eavesdropped on all those months ago. “It’s been awhile I’d say.”

Diana laughed. “Yes, I’d say so; twenty years if I figure correctly.”

I nodded to confirm this. “Yeah, it’s my twentieth birthday today. And if I can say something, those half sibs of mine are brilliant when it comes to bowling; they kicked our arses fair and square. Wiped the floor with we Aussies. My pride is shattered completely.” I pretended to wipe a tear away.

“Oh yeah, we did that all right.” Bryony came up and sat down beside me. “Hey Mom.”

“Hi honey. Did you have fun at the bowling alley?”

Bryony grinned. “Did we ever! Cassie and Emma are hopeless. Zac bowled another perfect game, by the way.” She turned to me. “Are you and Cassie and Matt going to sing later on?”

I shrugged. “I don’t know, Bry; we don’t have our instruments with us, they’re still at the house in Sydney. We could probably do an a capella, I guess. I’d have to see what Cassie and Matt say though, but I’m all for it.”
Bryony grinned. “Can’t wait.”

Mum spoke again. “Taylor, there is something important that we need to talk to you about; Bryony, you can stay, seeing as this ultimately concerns you.” She cleared her throat. “You should really think about this; it concerns our two separate families. You have ties to the Lawyer, the Hanson and the Kennedy families, in that you are related to the Lawyers by blood, and the Hansons by both marriage and blood, but you are also my son.”

“So what you want me to decide,” I said slowly, “is whether I stay here, or I go.”

“Basically, yes.”

“Well, of course I want to stay here! I have a job, remember?”

Mum reached across and covered my hand with hers. “Honey, you need to really think about this. It’s important that we know exactly where you stand; it’s no good making a completely rash decision then regretting it later on. Whatever you decide is final.”

I nodded and excused myself from the table, then went up to the second floor balcony.

“Jesus Christ, what have I got myself into now…” I muttered. This was the biggest decision I would ever make in my life, and I needed to make it today.

In one place was the Lawyer family. I had been born into that family as Jordan Lawyer, and no matter what my birth certificate stated, it was my true identity. It was where my looks and my musical talent stemmed from. It was who I was.

Next I considered the Hanson family. My family by both marriage and blood, for all the Hanson children from Bryony onward were my half brothers and half sisters. We had the same mother, but different fathers. It was also my identity, but to a lesser extent.

And lastly…the Kennedy family, the only family I had ever known. All of my memories were tied to them in one way or another, and short of permanent amnesia I would never lose them. They too were my family.

Then I considered my band. Renegade. I couldn’t just up and leave right after the release of our first album; it just wouldn’t be doing the right thing by Cassie and Matthew. They were my band mates, my colleagues…my best friends. I’d known them my entire life.

Cassie. She was my world; she was everything to me. She was my match; my life’s companion…my soul mate, even. She understood me in a way that nobody else could. And to up and leave, just like that…it’d destroy her.

It was half past four in the afternoon before I made my final decision. There were some excellent arguments associated with each point, but in the end I had to pick one over the others. It was truly the most difficult decision of my life. I sighed, stood up and went back downstairs, wiping my face off on the sleeve of my jumper.

“I made my decision,” I announced as I re-entered the kitchen; everyone gathered there looked up as I spoke. “Both of my mothers, my birth and my adoptive, asked me to make an incredibly difficult decision today. They asked me to decide my whole future, asked me to say where I stood in this. For I have ties to three different families, all with excellent arguments associated with each.

“I considered the Lawyers first. I was born into that family twenty years ago today as Jordan Lawyer, and no matter what my birth certificate states, that’s who I really am. By birth, and deep down in here.” I touched my chest with my fingertips. “I get my looks and my musical abilities from that part of my lineage.

“Then I considered the Hansons. They are my family by both marriage and blood, for all of the Hanson kids save for Isaac, they’re my half brothers and half sisters. They’re my family too. So they too are my identity, though to a far lesser extent.

“After that are the Kennedys. They’re only family I’ve ever known, and all of my memories are tied to them in one way or another. And short of permanent amnesia, I’ll never lose them. They too are my family, and my identity. I identify myself as the oldest son of Mark and Francesca Kennedy, brother to Emma, Oliver and Lila, because that’s who I have always identified myself as, for as long as I can remember.

“Of course, after that came the two most important entities to me in my life. My band, and my girlfriend. I can’t just up and leave right after the release of our first album. It just wouldn’t be doing the right thing by Cassie and Matt. They’re my band mates, my colleagues and my best friends. I’ve known them my entire life, and I can’t imagine my life without them in it.

“And Cassie; my darling Cassandra. She’s my world; she’s everything to me. She’s my match, my life’s companion, my soul mate, even. She understands me in a way that nobody else can. And to up and leave, just like that…it’d destroy her.”

I twisted my rat-tail around my fingers. “After careful consideration of all the angles, and weighing up the pros and cons…” I took a deep breath. “I choose the Kennedys. I’ll always be a Lawyer, ‘cause that’s my true identity. But I can never be a Hanson, as much as I know Bryony really wants me to be; you guys will always be my brothers and sisters though, I can’t change that. My future lies here, in Gosford, with my family, my band, and my girlfriend. This…this is who I am now. This is where I truly belong.”

My mother came over and embraced me tightly. “I don’t know what I would do if we didn’t have you, Taylor,” she said softly. “We’d be so incomplete without you.”

“So would I,” I agreed. “So would I.”

I broke away. “Cass, Matt, what do you say to doing a bit of singing? Bryony, you can join in too if you like.” The three of them nodded, and they came over to where I stood. We conferred for a little while before deciding on Fire And Rain, by James Taylor.